


to die upon a kiss

by LucreziaDormentaire



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Meet-Cute, Not Really Character Death, Personification, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-08 21:36:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8863006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LucreziaDormentaire/pseuds/LucreziaDormentaire
Summary: The first time Victor Nikiforov fell in love was upon his death, and with a celestial being, no less.





	1. to love is to live

The earsplitting cry of siren is echoing inside of his head, threatening to split his head in two. Everything was cold for a while, before his body become so numb, eyes starting to grow heavy. The sharp smell of fire and gasoline envelopes the air, but it doesn't stung as much as he thought it would. He guesses he's slowly losing his sense. Is this the end for him? He hasn’t even achieved anything in his life; no girlfriend, no family – and what about Makkachin? Who’s going to look after him after he’s dead?

“Oh, well. Whatever, right?” he wheezes weakly, with all the strength he has left. It’s not like anyone is going to miss him. Sure, they’ll cry for a while, but that’s all there is to it. He doesn’t really want to pay the insurance for his car, anyway.

He could hear people calling his name in the distant, but it sounds so obscure, as abstruse as his darkening vision. He’d heard this before, when he first landed a quad at his first competition. _Ahh. Good time._

“Victor,”

He closes his eyes, letting his drowsiness seeps in. Maybe this isn’t so bad after all. (Minus the throbbing pain all over his body)

“Victor Nikiforov?”

The voice is soothing and vivid, unlike all the white noises in the background. It almost as if it’s bringing his sense back to life.

“Victor, are you alright?” The voice says once again, before quickly adding, “I – I guess not – what am I even saying, So… Sorry, um,”

The sputtering is cute, he thinks. How weird. Isn’t he supposed to be unconscious? What’s going on exactly?

“Victor, you can… open your eyes now.”

So Victor does – his eyes snap open right away the minute he feels a delicate, freezing touch to the side of his head. Right beside him, stood a figure dressed in all black –  from his hair all the way to his feet. His hair is slicked back messily, like he intended to look like that, and his deep red eyes glowing dimly amidst all the chaos. Victor is suddenly running out of words.

“H – Hello. Um, I need to tell you something,” The guy says timidly, fingers playing with the hem of his sleeve. “Gah, why am I so nervous?” He groans suddenly, completely oblivious to the way Victor showers him with stares. “God – I’m new to this – this is my first job, actually, but I need to – “

“Are you an Angel?”

“What,”

“Am I in heaven?” Victor looks around expecting something, however, he’s still in the same neighborhood, but… something odd seems to be tugging at his chest. His surroundings are blurry, as if he’s watching them from inside a glass box.

The man before him turns bright red before shaking his head vigorously. “N – No! It’s not like that, I’m… I’m quite the opposite, actually.”

“What’s your name?”

“Excuse me?”

“Your name?” Victor raises an eyebrow at him.

“As in… human’s name?” The guy asks back reluctantly, lowering his chin in a submissive manner.

Victor isn’t completely sure what the guy is talking about, but he smiles and nods anyway. There’s a lot of thing going on in his head right now, like how his pain suddenly subsided, and how he’s still alive even after such magnificent collision, but none of it seems to matter now. His heart gradually feels at peace, a tranquil sensation flowing throughout his body.  

“Um, let’s see.” Like some-kind of tacky, second-rate magic trick, a small note book suddenly appeared in the man’s hand. It goes like – _poof –_ in front of Victor’s own eyes.

“Woah.”

“You can call me,” The man scans the book in his hand. “Yuuri… Katsuki.” He finishes with a little bit hesitation in his tone. “But it doesn’t really matter now, because at the present time you’re dying.”

“Wow. Okay.” Victor sits up, making himself comfortable. Everything still appears like a dream for him, bright and hazy. “So you’re like, my personal angel, right? Never thought I’d like guys too, but I guess I swing that way now.”

“No, it isn’t like that, Victor.” Yuuri shakes his head in concern. “I am death.” He looks past Victor; with his eyebrows scrunch together.

Victor turns around on impulse, only to find his _own_ body lying lifeless on the ground, surrounded by pool of blood and crowd of people – who doesn’t seem to notice his presence. He suddenly feels sick, the inside of his stomach threatening to spill out at the realization. He chokes on his own spit instead, eyes burning all of a sudden. That's right, he's dead. He's probably hallucinating right now, there's no way death would feel so painless and... clement.

“Ah – I’m sorry – I shouldn’t have – “Yuuri shoots at his direction in panic and ducks down. “It – It might be hard to take in at first, but I promise you once you made it past the light everything’s gonna be fine – “

“The… light?”

“I’m here to guide you to the end of the dream.” Yuuri says, offering his hand. “You see, humans don’t stay dead for long, or their souls will go insane and roam the frontier all eternity, causing the disruption of the law of nature. My job is to make sure I deliver those souls past the boundary to accept their divine judgement.”

Confused as he may be, Victor still accepts Yuuri’s hand in his; the touch is cold but comforting, like the spring breeze, appeasing the knot in his stomach. When he tightens the grip, Yuuri doesn’t even think of letting go – and that alone is enough reassurance for Victor. While nothing makes sense anymore, he's glad he's got something to hold on to.

“Are you… feeling better now?” The death asks, his concern shows in every move he makes. “I’m sorry this has to happen to you… you’re young and talented and you have _so_ much more that you can accomplish… Sometimes Fate can be such a pain, huh?”

Victor watches tentatively; the way Yuuri’s cheeks redden as he showers him with compliment, and the way his long, black lashes brush his skin when he looks down. Divine being sure is different altogether.

“Um… Victor?”

“Has death… always been this _beautiful_?”

Yuuri’s eyes shot open like a deer caught in headlights. Even the way he reacts is pretty, Victor catches himself thinking. “Wh – Wha,”

“I’ve never been in love before,” Victor starts, not sure why he starts babbling. Perhaps because nothing matters anymore, now that he's no longer _here_. “I thought I was never been interested in that kind of thing, but I guess it’s because I have never seen someone like _you_ before,”

“Vi – Victor, you’re just confused…” 

What the guy just said may be true, but Victor knows drowning in panic won't do the two of them any good. He brings their hands closer to his mouth. Yuuri’s skin smells of Jasmine. “What happened if I passed on? Will I see you again?”

Yuuri’s hand is shaking now; but he doesn't let himself concede. “No, I – What’s beyond there is no longer of my – “

Victor smiles as he closes the gap between Yuuri’s hand and his lips. A soft caress, barely a kiss. It feels heavenly, causing butterfly in his stomach. “And then what’s going to happen to me?” He says in a low voice, mouthing on Yuuri's pale skin.

Yuuri blinks in disbelief. “I – I wouldn’t know,” he stutters with blush spreading from and to his ears. Oh, he looks very adorable for Victor now. He doesn’t want to let go. Something about him is keeping Victor alive, no matter how ironic that sounds. It's just a simple spark, a comforting one, and though Victor had receive a lot of comfort from different kind of people, theirs are anything like this one. 

“What if I don’t want to?”

“Don’t want to… what?”

“Go through the light. To the afterlife.”

“We… Well it would cause a problem for me… but it’d be better than this, I promise you.”

"What is?"

"Life after death."

“How could you promise me something you don’t even know?”

Yuuri stills with a guilty look in his eyes that only serves to make Victor wants to tease him even further. He opens his mouth but nothing comes out, as time seems to stop for the two of them. Victor couldn’t hear the background noises anymore. The world gone quiet, he couldn’t even hear his own breath.

“Well?”

Yuuri swallows thickly. “As I said before, you’re in a state of confusion because of the shock and – “

“Let me stay with you.” 

 

In the background, people are taking Victor's limp body into the ambulance when someone announces that, unfortunately, they were too late. The trees rustle, letting the soft gust of wind blows them away, golden leaves flying above them.

And then it’s quiet once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoaa i dunno. what do you think tho


	2. to love is to recognize yourself in other

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the fall of his (almost) twenty-seventh year, Victor Nikiforov falls in love for the first time in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for the feedbacks!!<333 hope u guys'll enjoy this chapter too!

In the fall of his (almost) twenty-seventh year, Victor Nikiforov falls in love for the first time in his life. It is an intense love, as unexpected as a thunderclap in a clear sky – causing his chest to tightens and heightening his senses before making his whole body numb. In a literal sense. In short, Victor got caught up in a complicated, forbidden, One of A Kind love that _literally_ kills him – for the one thing he falls in love with happened to be Death itself. And, should he add, took a form of a man.

It wasn’t hard trying to bargain with a fresh, unsuspecting Angel of Death. He’s gullible, but sincere, and honestly, it only serves to sink Victor even deeper into this spiral of desire he found himself in. Now he’s stuck in a realm between life and death (or the Frontier, they called it) with the object of his affection; Yuuri –  or whatever his real name is. Yuuri was cautious at first – terrified, even. But he had agreed on giving Victor at least forty days to roam around and ask for forgiveness; because apparently, he believes the shock of being dead disrupted Victor’s mental stability, and he blamed it all on Yuuri for doing a lousy job.

(In which he didn’t really mean it, but Yuuri broke into tears and apologized anyway. Now Victor is nothing but guilt-ridden.)

Victor, of course, as a perfectly normal human being (or was), still has the tenacity to fear oblivion. Being so distant from the world where he used to live in would sometimes pull him into a panic attack because this world that Yuuri sees is almost soundless – like they’re there but at the same time, not. Like watching the world from the horizon. There are times when Yuuri would disappear somewhere for “work” and leave Victor alone to float around the place, trying to calm his mind down while watching as the world keeps on moving even without him. It’s supposed to sound sad and lonely, but frankly, of all the things he experienced, Victor feels none of those. But then again even with a whole wide world left to explore, Victor always finds himself coming back to the same place. A place so familiar to him; a place where he was raised, where he became _the_ Victor Nikiforov, the place where it all began.

The sound of blade scraping against the ice is all too familiar to his ears. It makes him smile, a faint, small smile. The lone figure skating in the middle of the rink makes skating looks fluid and simple, and even if he’s too rushed and hasty, Victor knows he still has many rooms to improve.

“You’re here again,” Yuuri’s sudden appearance is as quiet as the winter night, and Victor finds it comforting.

“Yeah. Yuri’s back to training again.” He says. “I’m glad he’s doing fine even without me.”

Yuuri eyes him with concern. “You don’t know that.”

“Perhaps.”

“Is he your son?”

That catches Victor jumping in his seat. “What?! No!” He blurts out. “If it were me I’d raise a cuter, more well-mannered son.”

“Ah… um, sorry.”

“But I guess I care about him just as much,” Victor replies softly.

Yuuri graces him with another look of pity before settling down in a seat next to him and pulls his knees to his chest. He looks so vulnerable in this state, nothing like the embodiment of Death that appears in stories or fairytales. Yuri’s skating slowed down gradually until the sound is barely within earshot.

“Say. What will happen to my body, though?” Victor says.

“Oh. Umm, the same thing that occurred every time a mortal die. Funeral. But I suggest not to walk in into your own funeral, though… it’s a bit…”

“Why, because everyone would be mourning for the me that isn’t here anymore?” Victor smiles as that, and Yuuri is quiet before answering.

“Yes.”

“Well, it’s been what, three days? I’m pretty sure the whole ceremonial and stuff are already over, anyway.” Victor sighs and pushes himself up while raking his hand through his hair. “No used crying over a spilled milk.”

“If that is so then… shouldn’t you be visiting them? Your family, I mean. D – don’t you missed them?”

Victor pauses to look at Yuuri, long and hard.

“I… I never meant to intrude on your life, or… anything! Trust me!” Yuuri takes a step back when Victor closes onto him. “Forgive me, Just, forget I ever said anything – “

Victor reaches out his hand to the angel in front of him and… pushes his scruffy bangs out of his face. Again, time seems to stop, along with Yuuri’s movement. Their eyes are glued together like flies drawn into the light, until Yuuri exhales a shaky breath and breaks the contact.

“You let your bangs down, today,” Victor says casually, making a space between them. Yuuri, on the other hand, is quite flustered, Victor notices. His brows are pushed together like he’s offended, but the way his face glows red tells otherwise. “You look younger that way.”

Yuuri was about to answer him when they hear a loud noise from the rink, and both turn their body around in union. Yuri is on all fours on top of the ice, with both hands balled into a fist. Yuuri looks at the accountable way Victor stares down at his companion before following him down to the rink. The two of them stands before a kneeling Yuri, their existence a weird addition to the stagnant surroundings.

“Tsk,” Yuri clicks his tongue loudly, the sound echoing inside the empty place. “Stupid old fag!”

Victor can feel Yuuri’s eyes glaring a hole into him; cornering him.

“I won’t fucking forgive you! You hear me!” The blonde boy screams and tightens the grip of his hands until his knuckles turn white.

Victor laughs a low and airy laugh. “Yeah. I know. I’m sorry anyway, Yurochka.” Hearing this, Yuuri’s chest feels unusually heavy out of the blue. It’s suffocating. He reaches out and grips the fabric in front of it.

After the echoes disappear, Yuri abruptly stands up. Startled, Victor tries to get out of the way when Yuri’s body simply goes past his. Then it finally dawns on him. He’s not there. He’s never been.

“Haha. Right.”

“Victor…”

“Yuri… he’s – he’s going somewhere.” Victor says, never keeping Yuri’s figure out of his sight. He was about to follow the boy when cold fingers wrap themselves around his wrist and halt his movement. He whips his head around to see Yuuri, with his blazing red eyes glaring down at him.

“No. It’d be wiser not to follow him.” Yuuri says in a stern tone Victor has never heard before. The angel loosens his grip after a while with his eyes gradually soften as well. “It is what he would want as well. You should know that better than anyone.”

The firm resolution in Yuuri’s eyes and the occasional touch help Victor relax. He lets out a breath he never knew he’s holding and pulls Yuuri into an embrace. Yuuri is like his personal sedative – he’ll go crazy in this disoriented realm if it wasn’t for him.

“Uh… Vi… Victor?” Yuuri’s hands are awkwardly ghosting at his back, just barely touching. It’s obvious that he isn’t used yet to this kind of contact. Victor chuckles and pulls back slightly.

“Say, Yuuri. Let’s skate together.”

“S – Skate?”

“Mhmm.”

“Us?”

“Who else?”

“Right here?”

“Well, unless you prefer to skate down at the pavement…”

Yuuri peels himself away and briskly shakes his head. “But I have no knowledge on – “

“Relax.” Victor scoots in closer, and with his flirtatious tone, corners Yuuri into surrendering himself to him. He takes one of Yuuri’s hands in his and tugs him to the center of the rink. “Just trust and follow me.”

Yuuri looks reluctant at first, but he cannot fool the way his eyes glow in exhilaration.

“Do that magic thing again,”

“Excuse me?”

“That thing you did, you know. Poof.”

“Po… Poof?”

Victor gestures wildly with his free hand. “That pulling stuff out of nowhere magic thing,”

“O – Oh,” For a while, Yuuri is staring at him with a dumbfounded expression. “That’s not magic,”

“Just… give us two pairs of skate, please.”

“You know, I’m starting to think that you’re taking this whole ‘death’ thing for granted.” Yuuri deadpans, but he snaps his fingers and concedes nonetheless. In a blink of an eye, Victor’s worn out shoes are replaced with an all new pair of skate. The feeling of gliding against the ice is so familiar to him and he doesn’t know he missed it _so much_ until this point.

“Woah. This is. So exciting.” Victor laughs while trying to hold a stumbling Yuuri steady. “How is it possible to be both tangible _and_ intangible at the same time?”

“It’s always been like this,” Yuuri says, with his grip on Victor’s shoulder a little too hard. “We can interact with inanimate objects to a certain extent. But any more than that…”

“What? What’ll happen?”

Yuuri looks down at his feet. “Nothing. Forget it.”

“Hmm.” Victor purses his lips and begins to skate slowly, moving in a fluid, unhurried movement. “You don’t trust me?”

“It – it’s not that!” Yuuri begins. “I’m just… not sure. Yet. About all of this.”

“Mhm,” Victor fits one of his hands on Yuuri’s hip, drawing him closer until their bodies are flushed together. “Then for this once, can you trust me?”

Yuuri looks at him through thick lashes and glassy eyes and nods his head.

 

Their dance is slow and fixed, but the moment Victor picks up the speed, Yuuri would always squeeze his hand just a wee bit tighter. Not that he’d complain. The way they float is so natural, like they’re meant to be, and with every turn they make, Yuuri’s smile would widens and Victor swears he had never seen anything more beautiful. They lost track of time and space, but that’s the point of this realm altogether. Time is meaningless here. They could spin and dance for years and no one would become aware of it. If he could do this all day, then why would Victor choose to pass on?

“Yuuri,” Victor embraces Yuuri once again once they’ve stopped spinning and gliding across the ice. “Yuuri, Thank you.”

This time, Yuuri finally wraps his arms around Victor even though it took him a while. “Yeah,” he murmurs and nestles deeper into the hug – not for the warmth, but for the odd feeling of satisfaction that he gets every time Victor sighs in content into his neck.

“Thank you… I didn’t know how much needed this. With everything that’s been going on I…”

“Victor,” For the first time in his existence, Yuuri feels an unusual thumping across his chest. He draws his face away to look at the man’s face properly and sneaks an arm between their bodies to flatten his palm on Victor’s cheek. He traces his thumb softly on Victor’s pale skin. “No matter how strong humans look on the outside, they could never lie to their heart. And in your case, you don’t have to anymore. It’s all over now, no one’s expecting anything from you anymore.”

Victor is quiet, even when Yuuri presses their heads together.

“So, let’s go to your house. Take one last visit before you go. I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

 

* * *

 

 

Victor doesn’t even remember when was the last time he’d been here, in the countryside. Even without the differentiation between his previous and current worlds, this place always feels far away for him, as if he was never here at all.

The place where he was born is the complete opposite of the city he was raised in. There’s almost nothing here, nothing but small houses and empty fields as far as the eyes can see. The only good things here are the lake that freezes every winter where he used to skate with his father, and the stars-dotted vast night sky – a scenery he could no longer delight in while living in the city.

But even tonight, the cloud hangs low, hiding the stars behind its thick cloak.

Staring down at his own unmoving body, all dressed in white, Victor doesn’t know how to react.

Everything still feels exceptionally surreal for him. He was just living a perfectly normal life until the accident happened and now he’s here, eyes glaring hole at another version of himself – perhaps, the _realest_ version of himself.

Yuuri is watching from the side, worry washes over his delicate feature.

A soft, whining noise wakes Victor from his daze. His eyes fly to the ball of fur at the corner of the room, curling itself into something small and weak. Victor could almost hear his heart breaks.

“Makkachin!” Victor gasps and floats to the direction of his dog. “Oh, buddy how I missed you so much! I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye, I didn’t know I’d…” he trails off as he drops to his knees. “I want to touch him… can I?”

“No!” Yuuri immediately grabs his wrist and yanks his arm away. “Don’t – Don’t even think about it! It’ll disrupt your soul and you’ll – “

Victor just ogles at him, slightly stupefied.

As he tries to calm himself down, Yuuri gradually lets go of Victor’s arm. “It’s uh… there are… limits which must be abided by souls and spirits alike. It is why I cannot let a free soul roam the Frontier for too long or else they’ll…”

“Go mad?”

“Something like that.” Yuuri says in a quiet hush. “I’m sorry.”

“I see. Then I guess I could only act as a spectator here, then.” Victor smiles it off, but Yuuri can see the deep sadness inside of his eyes. “He couldn’t see me either?”

“I’m afraid not. He could _feel_ you, but he thinks the _you_ right now are in a long, deep sleep.”

“You understand dogs?!”

“It’s just a hunch.”

“Huh.” Victor pulls his knees to his chest. “I guess the emptiness finally seeps in. And it’s just the third day…”

“Well, _now_ you understand why I need you to go to the afterlife? This place is by no means to be inhabited.” Yuuri sits down right before him, crossing his legs and raising his brows in a Told You So manner.

“What about you?” Victor frowns. “Aren’t _you_ lonely?”

“I am timeless. I don’t feel loneliness, nor any connection with another being in that matter. Especially… towards mortals.” There’s another thing left unsaid by Yuuri, but he decides to simply close his mouth for good.

“Then… that makes me your first, isn’t it so?”

It’s just a simple, innocent question, but it catches Yuuri off guard. Like a storm sweeping across the fields – flattening everything in its path, Yuuri could feel a wave of affection flowing all over his entire being, crushing his resolutions to bits. His heart beat is off, not once or twice, but continuously. It is then, for the first time in forever, that Yuuri thinks it’d be alright to let himself be swept away by the flow of _Time_.

“I’ve experienced a lot of my firsts with you.”

Victor’s jaws slack in astonishment but then he smiles; A gentle smile that holds a thousand meaning – a sweet, knowing smile that squeezes Yuuri’s core and leaves him breathless. “Then can I add one more to the list?”

Victor doesn’t even wait for a reply as he cups Yuuri’s face in his hands and pulls him closer tenderly, as if he’s handling something made of glass. And then before Yuuri could gather his thoughts together, Victor’s hands are suddenly on his nape, and then they travel down to wrap around his back, where he holds him sure and hard, like his own determination back from the day they met. Yuuri has never felt so helpless before, not until this human – Victor – starts praying on his lips like his life depends on it; softly at first, before it blooms into something more – a kiss that steals his breath away.  

Something something about _disrupting the law of nature_ rings inside of Yuuri’s head like a warning.

But Time is inconsequential, and they can worry about the consequences later.


	3. to love is to suffer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the past, Yuuri would’ve never even thought about the meaning behind the words alone or loneliness, since human’s emotions have always been nothing but foreign territory for him. That is until he met Victor Nikiforov – the mortal that swept him up off his feet and opened up hundreds of new doors for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you againnn<333

For someone who lives without the essence of Time, five mortal days could feel long but also very brief concurrently. In the past, Yuuri would’ve never even thought about the meaning behind the words _alone_ or _loneliness,_ since human’s emotions have always been nothing but foreign territory for him. That is until he met Victor Nikiforov – the mortal that swept him up off his feet and opened up hundreds of new doors for him.

Unexpectedly, he’s even gotten used to the name – Yuuri Katsuki – that originally doesn’t belong to him. He barely knows anything about the human Yuuri Katsuki, other than he’s probably dead for good, living an eternal existence beyond the Frontier. Should Victor had agreed on passing on, the two of them could ended up together in the afterlife – and it wouldn’t be completely impossible for their souls to be attracted to each others'.

The thought suffocates him; leaving a burning sensation in his gut.

Yuuri senses Victor’s eyes on him and snaps his mind from the faraway place. Their eyes meet. He narrows his eyes and looks back at the man sitting before him. For the next few days after the funeral, Victor has only been sitting around in his house, skipping his own burial ceremony and keeps on pacing back and forth in his living room.  He’s been pretty quiet as well, to Yuuri’s surprise. Other than having a one-sided conversation with a very down Makkachin, Yuuri hasn’t seen the guy trying to address his grieving mother, not even once.

“Victor.” He says, out of the blue. “Did you have a lover… back when you were alive?”

Victor does not answer straightaway. He looks at him, long and hard, before a playful smirk appears on his lips. “What is it, Yuuri? Are you jealous?”

Love. Jealousy. Yuuri himself has yet to figure out the true implication behind those unfamiliar emotions.

“Perhaps, I am.” Yuuri inclines forward, propping his body with one hand flat against the tiles. His gaze is hard and challenging.  “If I said that, what are you going to do about it?”

Victor only blinks; like he has trouble processing what he had heard.

“It’s the first time I ever feel this way. It tingles.”

Victor wastes no time to pounce on Yuuri, knocking the two of them down to the ground with a dull thud. “Don’t worry, Yuuri. You’re the only one for me~~”

“That’s because we’re the _only_ one here.” Yuuri says quietly, devoid of any emotion.

Victor pulls back just slightly on top of Yuuri, bracing himself against his elbows. They lock eyes with each other with their noses barely touching. The both of them seem to be no longer bothered by the absence of personal space. “That’s true.” Victor smiles and continues, “To tell you the truth, I’ve dated a few girls back then. It wasn’t anything serious, I was just… curious, I suppose.”

“Hmm.”

“What’s with the sudden interest?”

“I was just saying what popped into my head. You don’t really have to answer.”

“But I want to,” Victor sweeps the stray of hair on Yuuri’s temple. “You can ask me anything.”

Victor has been eyeing Yuuri’s lips for a while, though the raven-haired angel pretends not to notice. Ever since that night – they haven’t kissed again, not even once, and the two of them seem to have lost track of Time. It was a consensual act; Yuuri himself has nothing against Victor doing it to him again. Victor is the one who appears to be holding back.

“I have one more question then.” Yuuri lies through his teeth – another first for him. There are tons of uncertainties swimming around in his head, waiting to be answered. But those can wait. “What does Pizza taste like?”

“How unromantic!” Victor says.

“Victor, we have all the Time in the world.” Another lie. He smiles.

And then they’re kissing.

It happens so fast neither of them knows who leans into who first, but they couldn’t care less. Victor he – he’s not gentle at all. He kisses like a cat about to run out of its nine lives. Desperate and fierce, consuming Yuuri like he intends to make him his last meal. And funnily enough, Yuuri doesn’t think of turning away. He doesn’t know he was closing his eyes until they flutter open as Victor parts his lips.

“You taste better than any Pizza that’s ever been created.” Victor says. “And I’ve been to Naples a lot of times.”

Yuuri never tastes Pizza before so he can’t really relate and – he’s still not a hundred percent sure whether what he’s feeling at the moment is love or adoration or that he’s just projecting Victor’s strong desire for him, but if there’s one thing he’s certain about is that he likes kissing. Kissing is nice, and Victor’s a great kisser. It makes him feel light and wants to touch Victor all over. The idea makes him shudder. He’s never known before what it feels like to _want_ someone – he was created solely for his job, and not supposed to have any carnal desire. Every second he spends with Victor plunges him even deeper into a dangerous and foreign domain he’s learning to appreciate. It’s terrifying.

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Yuuri says, curling his fingers in Victor’s hair. He leans in to kiss Victor again, steadier this time. They roll over, until Yuuri is the one on top, trapping Victor between his legs.

“Woah.” Victor gasps. His breath stirs Yuuri’s hair, while his soft laugh that follows after stirs Yuuri’s heart. Victor's right hand reaches out for Yuuri’s face, smoothing his cold palm against his cheek tenderly.

Yuuri leans into the touch; into the unfamiliar sensation while closing his eyes.

“Can’t you just let me stay here? With you?”

Victor’s query pulls Yuuri back from his inattentiveness, and his eyes snap open. “You don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

 “I know that I _really_ want to spend an eternity with you,”

“Why are you like this?” something inside of Yuuri fusses, agitating him. He’s been feeling a lot lately – the good and the unpleasant.

Victor is quiet for about a minute. “We humans call this feeling desire. And you…” Victor brushes Yuuri’s bangs away. “Hidden behind these beautiful eyes of yours, you have so much of that desire.”

Yuuri is flushed, color high up in his cheeks. “Are you saying this _desire_ of ours – is what attract us to each other?”

Victor is about to answer, when he hears what sounds like footsteps coming from just above their head. On impulse, Victor sits up while pushing Yuuri away in the process. His mother walks past by, but it takes Victor a while to realize that they’re in a different world thoroughly. “Ah. Sorry – “

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it, I’m fine.” Yuuri replies hurriedly, mustering up a smile.

They sit with an awkward space between the two of them. Yuuri exhales slowly; of course, Victor won’t be completely used to the change. But still, being pushed away like that – it leaves a stinging burn against his skin. He clenches and unclenches his palm. So that was what _rejection_ is.

“Yuuri…” Yuuri looks up at the source of the voice. Victor is looking at him with an unreadable expression. “I was wondering, you know. If there are many other God of Deaths like you. Since… you’ve been staying here in one place for a while. Aren’t you neglecting your responsibilities?”

Yuuri frowns, looking slightly affronted. “Uh, first of all… I’m no God. And… I can manipulate this whole realm and be in many places at once. Even while we’re talking right now, there are thirty-four confirmed deaths going on.” _I am not neglecting my responsibilities._

“Huh?”

“Thirty-five now.”

“So… that means you can cheat on me easily, then Yuuri?!”

He shoots Victor an incredulous look. “You know I wouldn’t do that…”

Victor smiles before returning back to his serious expression. “But then that makes you… the only one at the time.”

“There can only be one certain Death.”

“In that case, how can I be certain that the Yuuri I’m currently with is the real you, not the you who appears in thirty-five different places at a time?”

“Why are you asking me these kinds of questions?” Yuuri presses. He himself barely knows anything beyond the reason of his own existence. If he starts having an existential crisis right now, he’d be mocking The Great Creator and he _doesn’t_ want that.

“But –“ Victor puts his index finger to his chin and inclines his head slightly.  “wait. It just doesn’t make sense – didn’t you say you’re new? What about the… previous one?”

“They were relieved from their duty. It’s like some kind of… retirement, but can also be a form of… chastisement.”

“…Why is that?”

Yuuri doesn’t immediately answer. There’s a brief pause where he inhales slowly from his mouth. “They let a soul ran loose and created chaos in the land.”

Both Victor and Yuuri exchange knowing look, for the world suddenly goes very still and very quiet. He’s lost. And it’s the most pressuring feeling Yuuri has experienced up until now.

“Do you know… what happened to them after that?”

This time Yuuri doesn’t answer.

 

* * *

 

 

Victor stands on the edge of a shady lawn that rolls away down a hill. At his feet, the walkway is covered in golden leaves, stretching out to the rim of a deep blue lake. The ground is silent every time he takes a step closer to the lake, and the blowing wind doesn’t seem to have an effect on his hair.

He throws a pebble and it bounces on the surface once, twice, before it disappears into the water. He’s lucky the place is empty right now and Yuuri is out for work or he will definitely throw a fit. Right, Yuuri. Victor crushes the leaves under his sole, thinking back to what Yuuri had told him back then. If what he said is true then, there’s a possibility of Yuuri losing his position in this universe for not guiding his soul to reach the afterlife. And not only that, the whole ‘created chaos in the land’ has been bugging his mind like a plague. What can a single soul do, that makes it so dangerous that even death _fears_ it?

He can’t do that to Yuuri, can he?

Crack.

But he wants to. He wants to stay here. He wishes to stay in a timeless loop with the object of his desire; to monopolize Yuuri, make him his own. As long as he behaves, he’s pretty sure even God himself will allow it.

He throws another pebble again. Another crack.

Amidst the cold wind, his own body suddenly grows very warm.

“ – tor,”

He hears Yuuri’s sweet, subtle voice and feels the ground shake, but it must’ve been his imagination –

“Victor! Snap out of it!”

Yuuri suddenly appears before him, his eyes wide and face all scrunched up in horror, gripping Victor’s forearms with implausible strength. Victor feels the flame inside of him abruptly subsided and he’s startled; like he has just woken up from a dream.

“Yu… Yuuri? What’s wrong?” He says with an impeccable smile.

“ _You’re_ what’s wrong!” Yuuri says, shaking his body. “What were you doing?!”

“I was just…”

Yuuri sets his lips into a straight line. “Turn around.”

And so he does.

Victor almost stumble, feeling like the ground give way under him as he stares down at the land beneath his feet in terror. “What…”

Behind him, broken cobblestones jut out through the earth as a lengthy crack splits open on the ground he was just walking on. It’s no longer than a football field, but big enough to look like a _natural disaster_.

“It wasn’t there back then – what happened!?” He whips his head at Yuuri for an answer, but the man lowers his head, refusing to look at him. Noticing this, Victor exhales a dry and shaky laugh. “Oh. I see. It was me… wasn’t it.”

“Victor…”

Yuuri grabs the hem of Victor’s shirt and rests his head against Victor’s arm.

 

 

They sit down on a boulder just by the lake, observing the massive crack that Victor has just opened. Yuuri has Victor’s hand in his, like he’s trying to calm him down, when in truth the only one whose hand is shaking like mad – is nobody but himself.

“When a soul has deep attachment to someone,” Yuuri starts, “or a place – or possibly a thing, or if it has a deep regret back in the time they were alive, it’d be distressed if left alone in the Frontier for a long time. A distressed soul has stronger emotions than most humans have.”

Its emotions can be transmitted to the living world – but not in a cooperative way. The stronger a soul gets, the more destructive the impact would be. It could even burn a barn if it wants to. You’ve heard of a poltergeist before, right?”

Victor nods.

“That’s what humans usually call it. In here we just call those souls… Lost Ones. And that’s why my job in this realm is vital. You’ll understand won’t you, Victor?”

“Then, what happened before…” Victor trails off when Yuuri’s hand tightens around his.

“It’s one of the examples. A… rather strong one that is. What were you thinking about, Victor? Does it have anything to do with… this place?”

Victor turns his head and their gazes meet, hold. Yuuri sees the flare of longing that lights Victor’s eyes. He’s suddenly afraid to hear the answer, afraid that it’ll weaken his resolve. “I was thinking about you.”

And that is the moment where everything crumbles to pieces for Yuuri. Victor has never been this small, this… vulnerable. Yuuri tries not to think about it; if he concentrates hard enough, he can still pretend that everything is okay, that he will definitely fulfill his job, that’s he’s not depressed or sad or drowning in sorrow.

“I was thinking about how you’ve always managed to surprise me from the first time that we met, and that gentle look in your eyes as you admitted that you’re death itself, and how patient you’ve been with me all these time.” Victor brings Yuuri’s hand closer to his mouth. “But all I’ve done is causing you nothing but trouble and now I’m turning into one of those… things.”

“Victor…”

“I’ll take full responsibility now. I’ll see myself off – to the Afterlife.” Victor says with firm determination. Firmer than he’ll ever be, as he squeezes Yuuri’s hand for one last time, before he lets go –

“W – What?” Yuuri catches Victor’s hand before the said guy could even pull it back, and then everything inside Yuuri’s mind just dissolves – dissolves into nothing, not even a single spark. It’s like he’s falling. Yuuri’s eyes meet Victor’s gaze, unblinking with stricken horror – before his vision turns blurry and with a voice clogs with tears, he chokes, “Wait, no… no, why did you say that?”

Victor is suddenly alarmed, his eyes snapping open. He has half expected Yuuri will be at least shaken after hearing his proposition, but not once does the idea of Yuuri _crying_ in front of him – has passed his mind.  “Yuuri – “

“No,” Yuuri sobs out, tears wetting his cheeks.  “Why… why did you have to say it like that, Victor?” His lungs burn like never before, chest tight and aching. He’s suffering. And he lets it, he lets himself be swept away, lets himself to writhe in agony for _a_ _human_.

“B – But isn’t it…” Victor starts to panic now; his thoughts jumping into places.

“Don’t you… Don’t you love me anymore?” Yuuri chokes. “Are you going to leave me _alone_ to rot in this unchanging realm, until the day The Creator decided that I’m no longer useful to Him?”

“What the – That’s not true!“ Victor raises his voice in panic. “Do… Don’t cry! Do you want me to kiss you?”

“I don’t need that!” Yuuri suddenly exclaims, swatting Victor’s hand away before rubbing his tears with his sleeve violently. “If you – if you really love me then don’t give up on me so easily like that!”

Victor freezes in place, his hands hanging uncomfortably in the air.

“Weren’t you the one who begged me to let you stay? What happened to that, Victor?” Yuuri proceeds to wipe his eyes with the heel of his palms. His voice cracks. “I put a stop to it, didn’t I? What… what happened back then – I could prevent that from happening if only I was there. It was my fault, I left you alone when I shouldn’t have, s-so don’t say you’ll leave. All you ever need to do is stand by my side!”

There’s a long silence between the two of them after Yuuri is done weeping, only to be filled with his labored breathing. It doesn’t really register to Victor that Yuuri is _asking_ him to stay with him, really, when he has his own duty to fulfill as the Angel of Death. Victor swallows hard, making sure that he’s not imagining this, that Yuuri is indeed right here with him, before he raises a hand to the angel’s cheek and uses his thumb to wipe what’s left of his tears. “I’m sorry,” Victor says in a soft murmur, his finger is moving, trailing over Yuuri’s colored cheek soothingly. “I understand. I love you.”

Yuuri nods, seemingly satisfied with the answer before shifting closer to the taller guy and wraps his arms around him. His heavy breathing ceased, heartbeat gradually slowing down. “Stay with me. We’ll work this out together.” He murmurs, with a voice just below a whisper. _I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to stay on my own anymore. This place is too big for me, and my heart’s too capacious to be vacant._

Victor hugs him back and squeezes. “Yeah, I’ll trust myself in your care, Yuuri.”

 

* * *

 

 

For the next few days, Yuuri always thought he’ll be torn between fear and grief, but he’s the happiest he’s ever been. Keeping Victor’s soul within an arms reach, they journey from place to place; having a what Victor calls a normal human _date._ They watched movies, went to the aquarium, walked around in The Hermitage Garden, and the list goes on.

As long as he keeps Victor in check and not letting him out of his sight, nothing can go wrong.

“ _That’s what you thought, isn’t it, Death?_ ”

 _Something_ crackles through the sky, loud and appalling, like thunder in a heavy storm. Time slows and the air grows heavy, and for a second there Yuuri swears he almost forgotten how to breathe. There’s a ringing sound that splits the air coming from behind him, making the hair at his nape stands still. Yuuri promptly turns around – and behind him emerges a figure of a fairly tall woman, cloaked in a golden robe with medium length brown hair that reaches past her shoulders. She has a single beauty mark underneath her left eyes, and the air around her screams grace.

Yuuri’s breath gets caught up in his throat as he feels dread crawling up his back. Not a single sound is capable of escaping his lips except for one name;

“ _Fate.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...so I updated the tags. Lol


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